Lovebirds

Sweet lady of my former life,
I know I said that would never write,
But here I am – I’m writing to you anyway.
I can’t remember exactly when
I said I’d never be alone again,
But I’m alone again because my wife died yesterday.

I’ve been staring at the birds that you bought me long ago
sitting there high up on a shelf:
the pair that my wife came to care for on her own –
and I’m writing because I don’t think that I can care for them myself.

The colors of regret I’ve known –
maroon and jade and indigo –
They’re the colors of lovebirds winging through the trees,
upward, singing soft melodies.
I can still hear the words that you sang to me,
time when I was young, so long ago.

I remember kissing you in May,
in front of a pet shop display.
The sun was going down; it was round like an almond.
And you said, “It’s strange, we think caged birds are lovers.
They’re just strangers thrown in a cage with each other –
two strangers in a room with chains and a few songs in common.”

Well I’ve never made much out of metaphors
though I’ve probably been living them all of my life.
I just took the birds that you bought me from that store,
I took those birds and brought them back home to my wife.

My regret’s a colored plume –
indigo, jade and maroon –
on the breasts of lovebirds winging through the trees,
upward, singing soft melodies.
I can still hear the words that you sang to me,
time when I could recognize that tune.

Sweet lady of my former life,
I know I said that I would never write,
but here I am – I’m writing to you just the same.
I was thinking maybe I’d return the birds you gave
but I pictured my wife feeding them every day
and thinking that way, I got to feeling so ashamed.

So I’m writing to tell you that I woke up this morning
with a feeling falling on me like a shade.
And I killed those birds without any warning,
and I lay them down upon my wife’s cold grave.

A rainbow of regret I’ve made –
indigo, maroon and jade –
They’re the colors of lovebirds winging through the trees,
upward, singing soft melodies.
I can still hear the words that you sang to me
before the time it got so very late.

Tam Lin